I met Carolyn walking along the beach on Grand Cayman Island and looking quite melancholy. She was on her honeymoon, but it was not what she had hoped for. She turned to me and began to explain: "Bill is an avid scuba diver; I had never tried it, but we figured I could take a short course here and then we could do some diving together. I guess with all the wedding stuff going on, I really didn't think that much about it. As it turns out, I have something wrong with my ears and can't dive at all. But even if! could, I really would have had to go through much more training to keep up with Bill. I just don't know what he was thinking when he planned this. Now we both feel guilty. He's cut back on his diving, and I can see he's not happy about that; and he says when he's diving, he feels guilty about not being with me."

Find Shared Interests

A honeymoon is not the time to go to a golf resort if only one of you loves golf. Nor should you plan to spend a week in Europe visiting museums if you don't share a passion for art and history. Although some compromise is inevitable and you don't need to spend every minute of your trip together, your honeymoon destination should be a place you can both get excited about. It doesn't matter if you and your fiance have been traveling together for years; your wedding trip will be a chance to discover new things about each other and the world-and planning a honeymoon that satisfies your needs is a very important part of that process.

A Different Kind of Trip

Joan and Paul had both been married before."We wanted to just flop on a beach after the wedding, but we felt it was important to go someplace neither of us had been with our previous spouses," Paul said." Between us, we'd gone to almost all the traditional places people go on their honeymoons. And since we only had a week, we didn't want to go too far. We were really at a loss for what to do. Then a travel agent suggested we go to the island of Anguilla, in the Caribbean. It was the perfect choice. Not much to do. Great beaches. And if you get bored, you can take a ferry to St. Martin. We never did get around to that."

Like Joan and Paul, most couples want their honeymoon to feel different from other vacations. For some, it's a time to splurge on luxury or on doing something exotic and perhaps a bit adventurous. But don't be surprised if it takes a bit of introspection to distinguish appealing images from your true preferences.

Take Sam and Barbara. They had been together for ten years when they decided to get married. "You'd think it would be no big deal," said Barbara. "We'd always had a very easygoing, take-it-as-it-comes relationship. But suddenly, every decision about our wedding and honeymoon became a source of tension, and everything he did got on my nerves. I even remember going into the bathroom and seeing the tops off the toothpaste and shampoo-he's never put them on-and thinking, 'Oh no, do I have to live with this for the rest of my life?' It had never bothered me before and hasn't since. Anyway, we had traveled quite a bit together, but we couldn't seem to agree on what we wanted to do for our honeymoon."

Sam explained: "I felt this was our chance to do something really stimulating and adventurous. Barbara's idea of a honeymoon was just lazing on a beach for two weeks, even though we'd agreed a long time ago that beach vacations bored us."

Barbara added:"Somehow, when I thought of a honeymoon, I pictured a sunny, romantic hideaway where we could just relax. But finally, we talked it out, and I realized getting married didn't mean we had to fit into preordained roles, which was what I was trying to do. I began to relax, and everything got easy again. I realized that I did want to go someplace where there was a lot of exploring to do."

Sam also realized that he would want his honeymoon to start out with some quiet, private time. "When we read about Australia, it sounded perfect. We started out with five days at a resort near the Great Barrier Reef and did some diving; then we hiked around the Outback," Sam said. "I only wish we'd planned a longer trip. There was so much more we wanted to do."

Like Sam and Barbara, many couples have a hard time sorting out what they want for their honeymoons. Often, couples try to second-guess each other and find compromise solutions before even conceptualizing their own individual preferences.

Although it's important to be able to compromise and try to please each other, the first step should be to find out what you each want.

Your Honeymoon Style

Here are some things to consider when selecting a destination. Before you begin discussing these questions together, each of you should write answers on your own. When you compare notes, you may be surprised at your Answers and even some of your own.

1. Are there places where you have always dreamed of spending your honeymoon? Are you drawn to explore your roots? Which places do you think would be perfect for a honeymoon? What makes those places so appealing?
2. How do you want to spend your days? Are there sports you want to learn or facilities you'd like to have available? Do you enjoy visiting historic places? Shopping? Exploring cities? Or is doing nothing everything?
3. How do you want to spend your evenings? Do you want to dance under pulsating lights, under the stars, or not at all? Do you want to try your luck at a casino, catch Las Vegas-style floor shows, or be in a setting where a quiet dinner is the only evening activity?
4. How much seclusion do you want? Would you really like to play Robinson Crusoe, or do you want a telephone, television, and air-conditioning? Is a beach enough, or do you want volleyball games, party boats, and foursomes for golf?
5. Would you enjoy adapting to a foreign culture? Would it be fun to experiment with another language, or would it be a hassle? Do you enjoy tasting exotic foods? Are you intrigued by customs very different from your own?
6. What does your ideal honeymoon setting look like? Is it lush and flowerful? Mountainous? An endless stretch of white-sand beach? The narrow streets of a medieval city? Or a bustling urban center? Is there snow? Autumn foliage? Or is "hot, hot, hot" what you want?
7. What kind of accommodations do you want? Would you prefer the tranquility of an inn or guest house or the services of a hotel? Do you want a choice of restaurants and activities on-site? A fancy, impressive lobby? Round-the-clock room service? A condo or villa with lots of space and a full kitchen?
8. When will you be going? What type climate do you want? Some areas, such as the Rocky Mountains or New England, have climates that vary greatly by season. In much of the Caribbean and Mexico, however, the biggest seasonal change is the prices; rates drop as much as 50 percent in summer, which is considered the "off" season.
9. How much time can you take? If you want to go someplace far away, see if you can get a longer vacation. You probably won't want to spend twelve hours or more getting to your honeymoon locale if you have only a week.
10. What kind splurges do you think are important? Are gourmet dining, shopping, or elegant accommodations a priority for you?

Once you've answered these questions individually, sit down together and compare notes. Don't worry if your answers are quite different; there are ways for you both to have what you want. For example, if one of you wants a beach and the other wants to do a lot of sightseeing, choose a place where both are available (such as Greece, Puerto Rico, California, or Florida) .You can even combine snow skiing and tropical beaches (on the Big Island of Hawaii).

Be sure to agree on a budget and (equally important) discuss how you want to allocate your money. That way you won't find yourselves arguing en route about whether or not you can afford to buy an expensive sculpture take a dinner cruise.

Your next step will be to begin checking out different destinations.

Gather Information

Now that you have some idea of what you're looking for, it's time to start doing some research. Most couples start the process of picking a honeymoon destination by asking their friends and family for suggestions, and even if you don't ask them, you can be sure that they'll tell you! When they do, be sure to find out more than just where they went. Ask why they chose that destination, what they did there, and what they enjoyed most. Then ask yourselves if your tastes are similar.

Magazines are another good source of ideas. The honeymoon sections of bridal magazines, which provide information about the most popular and romantic honeymoon spots, can be especially helpful. At first, every place may sound equally appealing. But as you read, stop to think about how much each destination appeals to you and why.

You'll also want to visit a travel agent. A good, well-traveled agent who knows your priorities can help guide you to the honeymoon of your dreams and make your money go much further than you might think. He or she can also make all the arrangements.

Get more information from our Honeymoon Planning Kit which includes 12 Honeymoon Planning Checklists and our 31 Chapter Honeymoon Planning Guide. Click here to visit our download page.